A letter to those who grieve
and an invitation
Dear Friend
Perhaps you are spending your first Christmas without a beloved one alongside you. Perhaps this will be the last Christmas you will be with that one you love. It isn’t all jolly Santas, sleigh bells and perfect families. I am not going to patronise you and tell you,
“They wouldn’t want you to be sad…they are in your heart now…time’s a healer”. Only with restraint have I remained polite when I have been the recipient of those platitudes.
This year, the 7th without my son, the 6th without my husband, and despite four beautiful days last week with my daughter and grandson and lovely social occasions with friends, Christmas feels hard. I don’t know why especially. People are very kind and some have invited me to join them, but there’s nobody I belong with and I’d rather be sad alone than sad in company. If you feel similarly, I am going to say to you what I say to myself:
- Sweetheart, it’s alright to be sad/lonely/miserable/pissed off. It’s understandable and you don’t need to give yourself a hard time for having a hard time. And (I know now) you won’t always feel this way.
- What would you like? A nap, chocolate, a good cry, a good film (to help you have a good cry)…Then do that; you don’t need permission and there’s nothing to achieve right now.
I have three things I turn to regularly – other than naps and chocolate- nature, writing and singing. I might take a flask of tea (maybe a hot water bottle as well) through the woods to the river, tell my sorrows to my tree, listen to the river’s song and sing my troubles back, and then write whatever flows out of my pen. Perhaps you have your own version: baking or boxing, crafting or dancing, … These may be useful activities to turn to while other folk – it seems to us – laugh with their families and have a happy time.
But what I want to say to you is this: if you would like someone to hear you, someone who won’t be burdened by your sorrow or have any need to make you feel better, you can write to me – Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Years Eve, whenever. I promise that I will read what you write and your words will have landed into my heart. I may not write back straight away, but please know that you are heard and held with tenderness and respect.
With my love, especially now,
Nickie
PS You can be in touch via my substack or instagram
