From 3 1/2 to 70
This afternoon my grandson and I had a big long chat – about windmills, dinosaurs, Egyptian pyramids and early Christians who, he told me, had flushing toilets (some information – there was a lot after all – became conflated). Yesterday he had his first visit to a large public library and came home with 10 books and a beaming face. At 3 ½ he is bubbling over with curiosity, enthusiasm and zest for life.
Later, I had a messaging conversation with my step daughter, a brilliant mother of two children, one of whom is approaching her 16th birthday and exams. This beautiful child-woman is consumed with anxiety. I remember her at 3 ½ and my heart breaks for her (and her mother).
‘Success’
I have asked myself this question so many times: why are we imposing on our children a one size fits all model of education, a straight line approach via exams into further education and ‘success’? Why aren’t we interested in what is already inside them waiting to come out, harnessing their curiosity and trusting them to explore and seek to explain, wander and wonder through this amazing world, with our guidance if they need it, evolving as they go into the people they were born to be? I feel for the many teachers who must tussle with this conundrum every day.
Coming into the last decades of my life, I look back on my education and thank my lucky stars for the three maverick male teachers, one especially, who, when I was 8 years old, ‘saved’ my life. After 4 years of straight laced education designed to enable the highest percentage of pupils to pass the 11+, we moved house and I landed in the class of a newly qualified teacher. Mr Hudson. Bless that man. He read every story I wrote (there were many) and gave me feedback and encouragement on each of them. He introduced me to drama, let us put on shows and plays, allowed me to be a child and a creative and to enjoy my life. At a grammar school which turned comprehensive, I almost lost the thread but not quite (thank you to the two other teachers). Here I am, 60 years on from Mr Hudson’s class, writing, creating, valuing the ‘who’ of myself above any of my so called ‘successes’.
What matters?
I remember being on a course some years back and being asked to write my own obituary. Only afterwards I realised that I’d forgotten to include what I’d achieved in my life but had written instead about who and what I loved. I know that at the end of my days, this will be what matters to me.
It’s not that what we do isn’t important, but those things will come and go. Does it matter that I’ve written this blog for almost 3 years? Not especially; what matters is that along the way it has touched one heart here and another there, articulated something for someone and helped someone else feel understood or less alone.
It’s brought me into contact with people I would otherwise have never met. And this is what matters to me: heart to heart connections, relationships, belonging in the web of life, bringing myself present and playing my part, bringing the innate gifts that have been within me since before I was 3 ½ into the community of my world.
Unique
My grandson is unique, so is my step granddaughter. Being who they are, finding ways to express their colours and be part of this magnificent multi-dimensional rainbow which is humanity – this I think, is what matters. I know – it’s idealistic and why not? I know – we all experience pain and suffering and I think it’s one of the ways we grow in compassion. I know – hearts get broken, but the cracks might just be where the light shines though. Yes, I’ve had my share of loneliness, anxiety and grief – I still do and I don’t dismiss it or make light of it. But, as an elder woman, I want to hold for these young people growing up in a world full of challenges, the possibility to shine their inner, quirky, glorious lights; to not be ashamed or afraid of showing up and showing us who are they are, of not having to fit a mould.
I hope my grandson continues to wear an Elsa dress one day (he’s discovered Frozen) and an astronaut’s suit the next, that he moves seamlessly from the didgeridoo to horseback and that he pursues his interests in magnetism, comparative religions and archaeology. I wish my late husband- my step granddaughter’s beloved grandad – was still here and could take her in his strong arms and tell her he loves her unconditionally exactly the way she is. And I hope, if she can quieten her anxiety enough to listen, she can hear him whispering to her in her dreams, “I love you… keep faith in yourself…you are perfect just the way you are.”
With my love
Nickie
NEWS
Writing Pilgrimage – starting tomorrow (Sunday 1st)
19 women pilgrims are all set and ready to go. I’m happy to take 1 more. Might it be you? If you’ve been thinking about it, you’re not too late – get in touch with me today! After that the group will be closed.
More information on the events page or contact me here or via the email on the poster. If you don’t hear back from me, please CHECK YOUR SPAM folder. I am not infrequently filtered out.
In death and in grief – retreat
April 17th to 19th at Poulstone Court Retreat Centre, Hereford
FOR INTERFAITH MINISTERS AND STUDENTS
This is going to be a beautiful mix of ceremony and creativity, sharing and learning, bearing witness and being held in love.
The grounds of the big old house in Hereford (30 minutes by taxi from Hereford train station) are stunning, with a fire pit, spots to sit and contemplate, places to share conversation with another and places to walk.
If you are a minister already working in this field and you’re the one always holding others, come and let yourself be restored and cared for. If you are a student, this is a wonderful, intimate, experiential adjunct to your training and we welcome you whole heartedly.
For more information, please go to the One Spirit website or you can contact me via my minister’s profile there or via my contact page.
I would love to see you there.
Nickie
Buy me a coffee
Some of my work is paid, a good chunk of it – blog, hospice and singing for the dying – is not. I very much appreciate any donations you are able to make which help me to support myself and continue to offer this work. It also warms my heart to know that you want to gift me. You can do so at Buy Me a Coffee here.